It’s In! It’s In!
"I heard he might totally break the plane if you know what I mean and I think you do *nudge nudge* *wink wink*"
We always knew that one guy back in college. Could get the girl to his room. Could get her to his bed. He could even get her to watch non-threatening porn together. But he couldn’t figure out a smooth way to get his arm around her. Couldn’t make that final move. And he’d be stuck with the worse case of blue balls ever.
Well, that was like watching the Cal offense last night. Like Michael Cena in SuperBad. All of our offense’s friends are telling it how it can score at will. Even the Endzone is saying it wants to give our offense a blowj. With its mouth. Its begging Cal to score. But Cal just couldn’t close the deal. At least until Forsett "exploded" all over the place with that big run (if only he’d run around in circles for 3 minutes before scoring!).
Really, this Bend But Don’t Break Offense isn’t all that new. Last year it seemed that 2nd and 1 was a major disadvantage for the Bears. Even with Marshawn (stunning, I know). People blamed the too creative by half play calling of Dunbar. Now, the reason seems to be execution. You don’t really need creative play calling to get 1 yard. At least Cal went for the points this time and it was the difference in the game.
And because of the final score, I’ve already seen a lot of "The Cal team that barely beat the 10th place Pac10 team will not be able to defeat USC" thoughts out there. Perhaps it’s just my natural efervescence, but I’m not leaning that way. The team that I saw out there completely outplayed Wazzu. The D pretty much shut them down except for some desperation stuff at the end. The Offense moved pretty well (and wasn’t helped by some odd drops). The problems stemmed with when we got within the 1. The problem was the same in ASU. In that 1st quarter, we got within the 20 like 3 times and got 2 FGs out of it (and 1 more blocked FG).
The key will clearly be to "explode" all over USC. And I, of course, mean that in the most disturbing way possible. I, personally, believe Cal can do this!
See, I feel like we’ve worked hard here at the California Golden Blogs to create a reasonable and analytical blog. Tried to minimize the knee-jerk hate. Tried to have calm and open discussion of the true positives and negatives of the games as we saw them. And, normally, for the reasons both social and karmic, we would try to minimize saying negative things about a team.
Well, that ends now. This is USC week. I am officially naming the week of November 4-November 10, the California Golden Blogs Week Of Hate. We plan to hate. A lot. On all things USC.
But don’t think we are alone in our in-every-way-justified hatred of USC. I’m sure you, the reader, hate them a lot, too. Feel free to write us why you hate USC. We might post up some of the better ones. And by better, I, of course, mean the ones with the most swear words. And the best swear words. Come up with new and inventive ways to insult both the fertility and ancestry of USC fans and you know it’ll show up here.
GO BEARS! BEAT THE TROJANS!
P.S.
come on man!
where’s the marshawn love after his best day ever!?! did you “explode” all over your #23 jersey today?
Comment by bowlbasaur — November 4, 2007 @ 10:24 pm
We ARE frantically trying to find youtube clips to put up.
The only problem is that Peterson managed to upstage him! That and I totally drafted the wrong Adrian Peterson on my fantasy team. DAMN YOU CHICAGO BEARS ADRIAN PETERSON! DAMN YOU!
Comment by TwistNHook — November 4, 2007 @ 10:28 pm
Love the site guys. But let’s make this post the last one that ever contains a quote remotely like this: “Even the Endzone is saying it wants to give our offense a blowj[sic]. With its mouth. Its begging Cal to score.” Ass pats make football homoerotic enough to begin with. We don’t need sexual metaphors in the game recap posts. Just sayin.
Comment by Ted — November 5, 2007 @ 6:06 pm
I used “its” as the Endzone’s gender. So, we don’t know if its homoerotic.
Also, I’m stunned that you knew the actual spelling for the word blowj. Did you get a copy of the transcript of the movie Superbad? Man would I love to see that. I originally thought she might have meant blowjay, but thought the shortened version was better. Perhaps I was wrong. Criticism accepted.
Comment by TwistNHook — November 5, 2007 @ 6:15 pm
USC = University of Sucking Cock!!
[I’ve submitted trademark application for this . . . No, seriously I have.]
Comment by oaktownmario — November 5, 2007 @ 11:40 pm
when you submitted trademark..
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