There are lots of people I don’t agree with. Scientologists. Yankee Fans. People who think Carrot Top is funny. Mack Brown. Some of these people have more defensible positions than others, but part of the fun of having a blog is being able to take their opinions, ridicule them, and replace them with my own, correct opinions.
Some people, however, say things (in public, no less) that are so laughably ridiculous I sometimes can’t believe it. It’s like manna from the comedy gods. You just have to accept it and give thanks.
Coming as a surprise to no one, a group of tree-huggers have decided to file an injunction against the University, attempting to stop the stadium project. I wonder how many trees will be killed by all the lawyers filing paperwork on this case.
In their own words…
Janet Cobb, executive director of the Oakland-based California Oak Foundation, the lead plaintiff:
- "What are the regents thinking? That football is going to give us clean air?"
Um, not unless they all missed that day in science class, where photosynthesis was discussed, and it was determined that football, in fact, did not perform it. Besides, they’re planting three new trees for every one cut down. That should mean…oh, nevermind.
- "You can certainly understand the regents’ dilemma…"
I can understand their dilemma, but clearly you cannot. You have no idea what the regents are thinking. You think they’re confused about where clean air comes from, and whether it might or might not come from football.
- "…but people are very adamant that these oaks be saved."
Oh, they are, are they? Which people? How many? Why should we listen to them? Your lawyer had better have a stronger argument than that.
Berkeley City Councilwoman Dona Spring, another plaintiff:
- "To me, that grove is as beautiful as any man-made structure…That huge canopy, all those colors — it really makes your heart sing. It’s so peaceful and magical, you feel like you’re in Mendocino."
Magical, huh? What, are we threatening FernGully? It’s statements like this that make people stop taking you seriously. Besides, have you been to the oak grove? I used to walk by it almost every day to class. If it’s so magical, how come I almost never saw anyone there? Right on campus, and hardly anyone even bothered to walk through it. Even the homeless, who obviously don’t have anything better to do, seemed to at least have better places to loiter. Only when someone threatens to cut it down do you come out and declare what a magical and life-affirming experience it is.
I can’t wait for the judge to laugh this one out of court.